Mourning after Suicide

A loss through suicide is very hard to accept for the close environment. They still wrestle with so many questions and feel guilty because they didn't see it coming. Many feelings rise to the surface and people are scared, fearful and very unsure about the future.

After a suicide

There are several phenomena which are specific for mourning after someone passes away because of suicide.

Shock and disbelief

When someone near you dies, you'll be very affected by it. When the cause turns out to be suicide, people are even more shocked. They often didn't see it coming and can't believe it. Sometimes people will also deny what has happened, because people cannot face all the pain and sadness it involves.

Asking questions

The environment continues searching for answers to the question of "why?" They want to know what has driven their loved one to the point of doing this. They feel like they can only start mourning when they know why someone did this. Yet, in many cases this questions remains unanswered.

Sense of guilt

Relatives often blame themselves that they haven't been able to do anything to prevent the suicide. They wonder which signs they didn't see. Many of them feel responsible for what happened, even though they might not have been able to prevent it.

Relief

It is also often the case that the relatives are relieved. Not because the person is dead, but because the worries and sadness concerning this person are gone too. An end has come to the long suffering which often affects an entire family. Yet it is also a very double feeling, because the real suffering usually begins after someone's death. In some cases, the family has done a lot to take care of the person and support them. Their death has put an end to this, and now the relatives can go on with their own lives. This might sound harsh, but it's the reality of the situation. The environment is often also relieved because their loved one has finally found the peace they have been longing for for so long. This makes accepting their death a little easier.

Anger

People are angry because they were unable to do anything to prevent the suicide. They are angry with their loved one, the people close to them, society, the world, social workers, God and mostly with themselves. They don't understand how it's possible that no-one could prevent this. Apart from the anger, a feeling of powerlessness takes over too. The realisation that in some situations, no matter how badly you want to help, you can't do anything.

Suicidal thoughts

Relatives of a suicide form a high-risk group to also pass away by suicide. This wish can stem from the desire to be with their loved one. It can also be the case that people end up in a depression because of the suicide, which leads to them having suicidal thoughts as well.

The mourning process

It is difficult to say when someone is done mourning. Some people say they've moved on from the sadness after a little while, others suffer from it for the rest of their lives. On average, peple claim to be done mourning after approximately a year. This doesn't mean they're no longer occupied with the loss and at certain moments the sadness rears its head again. They have, however, been able to make peace with the loss in their lives. Everyone mourns in their own way. It is important to give people plenty of time and space.

Mourning passes by in phases. These phases don't always follow each other chronologically.

• Accepting the reality of the loss.
• Living through the pain and the sadness.
• Adjusting to life without the deceased.
• Leave a special place for the deceased.
• Taking life into your own hands again.

Mourning at a standstill

Mourning is a normal and healthy reaction to a death. When people avoid their mourning process, they get stuck in their sadness. This blocks people and disturbs their daily functioning. Avoiding mourning results in psychological problems.

It is very important to support relatives of a suicide sufficiently. People desperately need something to hold on to during this difficult period in their life. They have lost their faith in others and especially in themselves. Give people time to mourn and offer them the needed love and attention. Losing someone hurts, for your entire life!

Sources: www.todio.nl